Thanksgiving... I spent a very long time looking for the perfect bible verse to describe why we should all be so thankful. I searched until I realized that no verse was going to satisfy me because I was feeling very un-thankful. Time for a reevaluation! Yea, thanksgiving break has been a little more difficult then I expected, but I claim & profess that I will praise the Lord in all times and be thankful in all circumstances... yet here I am, feeling sad and sorry for myself, and the idea of praising God - well, if I'm honest, I just don't want to. It's a struggle between heart and mind, what I know and what I feel. I know I am thankful, yet I feel like I'm some tragic figure that has nothing at all in her life to rejoice in. ::Cue pity music::

Enough of that. I am a type-A driven person, I can get myself out of this funk. [See "Brothers and Sisters"]
... all I need to do is figure out what I am thankful for. So begins the list: friends, family, a roof over my head, food on the table, health, safety ... I think I stole this list from some hallmark greeting card.

Really what am I thankful for?

• friends who ask me what I'm doing for my birthday a month in advance, so they can plan accordingly.
  
• grandmothers who prepare all my favorite foods for dinner, even though she isn't feeling well.
  
• stories of healing, love, and happiness shared with an entire church congregation so everyone can give thanks
• music that brings tears to my eyes (see: Steven Curtis Chapman's new cd or any Andrew Peterson song)
• hugs from cousins who "just want to see you real quick before going to Mom's for thanksgiving" and promises to save a piece of Aunt's famous pecan pie. Heck, I'll save you a whole pie for another hug!
• a roof over my head, food, and safety... it may be cliche, but I am quite happy to have these things.
  
• promises: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are mine. I will never be alone. I am loved more than I can ever imagine. I will find rest & refuge. No trial will be given to me that I cannot handle. I can do all things through Christ. A covenant that cannot be broken.
  

I am thankful for many things, but a lot of those things could be taken away in an instant. Would I still be thankful? Tonight I asked a friend what she was thankful for, and she said Jesus, because anything else she would be thankful for is because of him, so he covers everything. At first, I claimed cop out because I wanted a list of things she was thankful for, but she reminded me that Jesus is enough. His promises are good and true and enough. HE is enough. I do not need more to be thankful for.

And so, with that simple remark from a friend, I think I'm on my way to rediscovering the goodness of resting in God's grace, and for that, I am thankful.

So today I went to a wedding. Not just any wedding, but the wedding of one of my roommates! Sarah Stosch.. er... Sarah Stewart. It was a beautiful wedding, and there were lots of tears of course. The whole time my thoughts were a mix of "I want to get married" and "this is crazy, they are my age, and they are getting married, and I am not ready to be married." I guess what really got me though was that I went to this wedding with a few friends, but without my family. I've never been to a wedding without my family! I'm finally old enough to go to weddings and other adult things that I remember desperately wishing I was old enough to do a few years ago. Now it feels like the past 5 years of my life absolutely flew by, and suddenly here I am, twenty years old, about to start my final year of college, trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my future, and contemplating what life would be like if I were married.

Holy crap...

I'm all grown up

(ish) :)

I don't sleep before trips...

It is two a.m., and I'm obviously not sleeping. I've just finished (hopefully) packing for my spring break trip to NYC. I'm going with about 21 other really cool people, and I'm so excited!

So here's what I'm excited about:

• intentional relationship building with people who I think are really cool, but don't know very well
• exploring NYC
  
• Broadway shows = love
• seeing God work in really cool ways
• doing various service projects & "reliving" summer project
  

Things that I'm nervous about:

• sharing my faith with other random college students
• jealousy
• feeling overwhelmed in a group 24/7
• unfulfilled expectations
  

So that said, I would LOVE your prayers over the next week. I'm really excited to be doing a trip so similar to my summer project in Seattle from two summers ago, but I'm also nervous that I have unrealistic expectations about how great this week will be. I know that God is going to do some really cool things, and hopefully use us in unexpected ways, and I hope that I can get past my own agenda to actually see the crazy things happening all around me.

In other news, I'm finally done with midterms and able to relax. I don't have class on Fridays, so I spent all day today running errands preparing to leave tomorrow, but I got to end the day hanging out with a few friends watching HSM3 (best movie ever made? okay, maybe not, but still funny and wonderful!). Saddest part of my day though was missing out on catching up with a friend who was in town for the day, because I had such a weird/busy schedule. Friendships are so difficult post college (well, she's post college); it's hard to stay in touch. I'm not incredibly excited about dealing with that in FOURTEEN months, but I'm not going to worry about it for the next thirteen months.

Time to get some sleep! We leave in a few hours... so pray for safe travels for us too! And expect an update when I get back on how amazing the trip was AND how twilight II is (I'll be reading it on the bus!)

love, me

An update, crazy... I know. Well just to satisfy the like five people who read this... I just read a book and HAVE to share about it.

So we've all heard about the Twilight craze. In case you haven't, it's an obsessive-love story of a vampire and a human. You're all caught up. Really, it's like 600 pages of them falling in love with minimal drama. I decided to read it because someone sold it to me for fairly cheap, but I wasn't expecting much. Again, it is a story about a vampire, not really something I usually get excited about. More like something I'd make a face at in B&N and keep looking. I will never judge again...

So Edward & Bella fall in love, but he's a vampire and she's not. There's that whole "drinking blood" issue and Edward is (unhealthily) obsessed with Bella... so there is kind of a worry that he might kill her, but she captivates him so he protects (stalks) her from danger, and that child can get into some trouble. Really, it's not the best writing ever. That said, I'm completely in love with Edward and Bella's relationship.

I could never describe to you the depth of that relationship, but all I can think about is how I can have that in like all of my relationships. I want it with my friends, with my boyfriend, with my family... it's my deepest longing - in a novel. (I do not long, however, for a vampire boyfriend. That would be the wrong thing for you to take away from this post.) So I was gushing to several people about how AMAZING that relationship is and how AMAZING the book is... and how impractical it is, how that doesn't happen in real life, how it never could. I'm not incredibly optimistic about relationships of any kind, if you didn't know that about me. (Although, you should. It was basically in my 25 things.)

... thats when a friend reminded me of Redeeming Love.
Twilight stole that love story, right out of the Bible :) Hosea and Sarah, now there is a love story. There are friendships, and families, and love stories that will make your head spin. That is what I want. Still a little unsure of how to get it, but rest assured... my Jesus has it allllll under control.

love, me

"So ready for this to be the end," he murmerured, almost to himself, "for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything."
"It's not the end, its the beginning," I disagreed under my breath.



"There's so much I have to say. So many things to tell you."
He combed his fingers into her flowing hair and tilted her head back. "We have the rest of our lives."
She knew then that she had doubted he would forgive her again, but he already had. She could live with him forever and not know his depths. She went into his arms, pressing herslef as close as she could, her gratitude so strong she could hardly bear it. He was warmth and light and life. She wanted to be flesh of his flesh and blood of his blood. Forever. Closing her eyes, she felt like she was finally home again.