At this point, the month-long break from school is just over halfway. Halfway! There are still two weeks remaining until classes start, but I'm itching to get back to the community I love for one final semester. I wouldn't say that I am bored, I have plenty of things to do, but for the first time I feel like Charlottesville is "home" and Chesapeake is "vacation", and I'm just tired of living out of a suitcase. I am ready to go home.
Break began on December 18th, my twenty-first birthday, when I brought my best friend home with me, and we braved the cold-front on Atlantic St to find a commemorative shot glass for the occasion. Christmas in Chesapeake was a good one, full of family & friends, lights & trees, and a renewed understanding of grace and forgiveness. Radiate 09 brought 2009 to a close with dresses & bow ties, snow/freezing rain, fireworks, and the good ol' song. Then I worshipped in the new year with a thousand of my closest friends, took a ton of pictures, and played four on a couch until the wee hours of the morning.
So after these events, especially Radiate, I am supposed to come back fired up with all the things God taught me, but for the first time I don't feel like I learned anything, but moreso that I'm still learning. The question of interest is what does it mean that God is always with me, when so often I feel alone. My family fails, my friends cannot always be there, and as God reveals more and more what a sinful person I am, I don't even like myself. What I want is a physical, tangible person by my side who can meet my needs, and that desire shows me that I must believe God is not enough to satisfy me. The truth is though, as much as I despise myself for my sinful nature, God loves me in spite of it. And he forgives me. The grace that he continues to show me gives me the confidence that God is with me and he is enough. I don't know where I'm going from here, but I know that God is still showing me more fully what this means, and I look forward a more rich understanding.
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And since Radiate? I've been running errands, applying to law schools (13!), watching NCIS, and scrapbooking - among other things. And I'll be honest, I'd much rather do these things than go to class. I guess I still need those two weeks I have left :)
